lee atwater's worldview that 'perception is reality' seems to be almost universally accepted as truth today. yet, the best behavioral scientists have been telling us for decades that only 10 to 20 percent of the population is naturally perceptive (intuitive). this makes me believe that perception is only reality for a select few who have worked hard to tone their god-given intuitive muscle. good for them. but what about the rest of us? what do we make of first impressions? though modernity has conditioned us to put so much weight on first impressions we need to resist the temptation, both in impressing others and being impressed by them.
don't get me wrong. i love it when i really click with someone i have just met. especially if i want to do business with them. still, i can't tell you how many of my good first meetings (impressions), the ones i was 'sure' would come to fruition, ended up in the abyss of what could have been. why? were my perceptions of that first meeting correct? yes, my perceptions were correct - they were just not reality.
this happens in many realms of human relation. have you ever met someone new in a non-business setting that you really connected with from the first moment? it seemed you had so much in common. you thought the same way and looked at life the same way. there was chemistry. so much so that you talked about getting together again and even exchanged contact info. alas, you have never spoken since. what happened? we like to say 'life happened' but what does that mean? it means that it is fun and easy to meet new people when there are no implied expectations or obligations. I would even go so far as to say it is emotionally healthy to do this from time to time. but it can get unhealthy real fast when we start making plans and soft commitments based on first impressions without considering the reality of the time and heavy lifting it will require to follow through. was the pleasantness of your perception true? yes, but forging a relationship with a new bff was obviously not realistic.
it's the same whether you are selling or socializing. accomplishing any mutual goal requires a relationship. and relationships take work. real work. getting your head and heart around this truth will put greater success within your reach. go out and make the best first impressions you can! but then go back and do the hard work of building the quality relationships that will validate those impressions and turn perception into reality.
this happens in many realms of human relation. have you ever met someone new in a non-business setting that you really connected with from the first moment? it seemed you had so much in common. you thought the same way and looked at life the same way. there was chemistry. so much so that you talked about getting together again and even exchanged contact info. alas, you have never spoken since. what happened? we like to say 'life happened' but what does that mean? it means that it is fun and easy to meet new people when there are no implied expectations or obligations. I would even go so far as to say it is emotionally healthy to do this from time to time. but it can get unhealthy real fast when we start making plans and soft commitments based on first impressions without considering the reality of the time and heavy lifting it will require to follow through. was the pleasantness of your perception true? yes, but forging a relationship with a new bff was obviously not realistic.
it's the same whether you are selling or socializing. accomplishing any mutual goal requires a relationship. and relationships take work. real work. getting your head and heart around this truth will put greater success within your reach. go out and make the best first impressions you can! but then go back and do the hard work of building the quality relationships that will validate those impressions and turn perception into reality.
